Here's the thing.
I have anxiety.
Oh you do to? Cool. It's good for us not to know we're alone.
The other day I was more than burnt out. I was exhausted from my littlest not sleeping. Ever. I was overwhelmed with a to-do list and a 3 year old who need to touch me. all. the. time. And then I looked at the clock and realized it was only 11:47AM.
What the heck. It wasn't even noon.
So I tried to suck it up and go wipe the toothpaste of the mirror hoping that checking that of my list would lead to a feeling of control and stability. That's one way I manage my anxiety. I do something small, mundane, simple. It helps me see something become finished.
But this time it was too little too late. I stared at myself in the mirror and started to sob. My chest clenched up, my breathing became rapid, and I felt like I needed to throw up. To purge the anxiety from my chest. To stop the panic attack.
But I've learned my triggers. I've learned that throwing up doesn't help for more than a minute. So I yelled. I yelled at my reflection and I felt so frustrated and trapped that my feelings were having so much power over me.
I got through that panic attack. I loaded up the boys and went for a walk, so grateful for the Arizona sun.
That night and for days after I thought about my anxiety. Why I feel so controlled by it and why I hate dealing with it so much.
And I've decided that, yes I have anxiety, yes I hate it, but no, it's not a bad thing.
I love this thought.
I'm not going to say having anxiety is the best thing ever and than I hope I have it my whole life.
Because that would be a big fat lie.
But what I am learning is that I am stronger because I have anxiety.
Because I have anxiety I...
Understand my limits.
Am learning to say no, rather than feel like I have to say yes to everything.
Am really trying to be a good mom because I worry so much about being a bad mom.
Am really good at getting things done.
Really love to bake and share it with others.
Depend a lot on my husband. We are a good team.
Don't want to pass this on to my kids. So I tell them they are wonderful. And that it's OK to make mistakes.
Cry. And it is healing.
Love to be hugged. And give hugs. It helps me regroup.
Try to make sure to tell people that they are awesome. Because I really appreciate a sincere compliment.
Am pretty darn good and budgeting and waiting till we can afford things. (Because money can make me anxious. Go figure.)
Pray. And I don't doubt that my prayers are heard.
Try really hard to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Because when I am having a bad day I need that from others.
When I am anxious I can become really critical. So I try to watch for that.
Because I have anxiety I love to go for walks.
Because I have anxiety I refinish furniture as an outlet.
Because I have anxiety I try to remember that being perfect is overrated.
So.
I have anxiety.
Oh you do to? (Or depression, or OCD, etc)
Well that means you've got some kick butt-awesome traits.
Go you! :)