Rhett and Rad chat

^^^ Ben's micro expressions indicate he is unsure about his feelings regarding his new brothers.

On the phone with a grandparent:

Rhett: Yeah, I'm in kindergarten. It's pretty cool, I guess.
Rhett: Kind of intense.

The unfiltered honesty of a child:

Rhett: Your breath stinks.
Julia: Looks at phone...
Julia: It's 3:38AM
Rhett: Let's snuggle.

At the post office:

Rhett: What's wrong mom?
Julia: I don't feel great today.
Post guy: Can I help you Ma'am?
Rhett: MAYBE YOU JUST HAVE TO POOP!
Julia: No that will be all.

A Sunday afternoon:

Rhett: Hey Dad.
Rhett: I'm just chillin'
Rhett: But that doesn't mean I'm cold.

A few days before my birthday:

Rhett: How old will you be on your birthday?
Julia: I'm 30 now, what comes after that?
Rhett: 50
Julia: Yeah, that's pretty much it.

Whispered at church:

Rhett: Mom
Julia: Yes?
Rhett: Your eyelashes look really good today.
Julia:

During a Family Home Evening lesson taught by Rhett:

Rhett: This is Thomas S. Monson. (our church's prophet)
Rhett: I'm a really big fan of him.

And a little from Mr. Rad

A sunny afternoon: 

Rad: (terrified) MOMMA!!
Julia:
Rad: The mirror KEEPS WOOKING AT MEEEE?!
Julia: ...the next president of the free world folks.

At a rare real family dinner: 

Rad: (takes plate to sink)
Julia: Rad aren't you hungry? You barely ate.
Rad: Yeah, I not hunry.
Rad: (comes over to my chair) What you eating momma?
Julia: The same thing you had.
Rad: Can I have a bite?

snaps

We're still not Snapchatting around here...but that doesn't mean that we've stopped taking lots of little videos like the subpar videographers we are. Which means the videos will eventually come out of the archive folders and see the light of the web. You're welcome universe.

the place with the grapes

A story about taking your children out to eat at a restaurant on the weekend.

One fine Christmas Break day we were cruising in the mini van and out of the window Rhett saw with great excitement "the place with the grapes."

Known to most people as the Olive Garden.

Rhett claimed to have fond memories of feeling like family and their breadsticks. Rad is pretty much part Italian with his love of pasta. We haven't taken the boys to a real restaurant (or Olive Garden) in...a year? Longer? What we loved about the idea of taking the boys to Olive Garden was not the food (sorry. but the kids love it...so there's that) but that it was a real restaurant but not the fanciest joint on the block.

Jake and I felt super optimistic about publicly breaking bread as a family but we should have known not to do it the evening we did. Take a 5 year old a 2 1/2 year old  and a 9 month old...both of the latter who hadn't napped to dinner? IN A RESTAURANT WITH OTHER PEOPLE IN IT?! But no, we did it anyway. I really wanted to have a family bonding moment, so we took the chance. It did not work out in our favor.

We kew it was bad when the boys start to get cranky before we even ordered and Jake and I sat there and wondered if we should just abandon ship right from the get go. But we felt bad, they had already brought bread sticks and water and man I REALLY wanted some bottomless salad of a sudden, so we forged ahead, blindly ignoring the pretty blatant warning signals Beck and Rad were sending out like the bat signal to get the F out of there before they changed into terrible toddler monsters. The guy waiting on our table had some special waiter sixth sense and even warned me that we should just order our unlimited soup and salad combos immediately because "it would take a while" and we did, and we were locked in. But we did ask the him to bring the boy's food AS SOON AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE because maybe that would buy us some time.

And within the first 15 minutes...

- Beck turbo-ed himself into a salad bowl sending lettuce to places lettuce shouldn't be which scared his little soul to death.

- Rhett loudly declared that Rad's spaghetti was "the grossest thing EVER."

- Rad showed off his stellar eating manners.

^^^ I love how our 2 year old can figure out how to work the TV remote, but can't find his mouth while eating spaghetti.

- They continued to spill and drop stuff. A lot.

- Beck continued to realize the world is a scary place and was only happy chewing on my hair.

- Rhett got distracted by organizing the sugars and was deeply effected when Rad commandeered all the breadsticks...the soul reason Rhett had wanted to go the place with the grapes.

- Rhett punched Rad to "teach him a lesson" about stealing a man's breadsticks.

- A new waitress stopped by to ask if we "needed anything" and her long hair wooed Rhett into offering this pick up line "Hey girl, I can write my whole name...with lowercase letters. Does that impress you?"

And before that relationship could steamify we did a hasty clean up, left a generous tip, offered the practiced "Apologetic Parent Face"   ( You know the one. The one that is sort of like a facial shrug, like "I'm really sorry, I know my child is being loud but I am a good parent and I will try to remedy this ASAP.") and herded everyone out to the car. 

Oh...but first me made Rad turn in the "your table is ready" beepers which he almost kelpto-ed which lead to a high-knee-run-in-place-and-then-collapse-tantrum in front of the hostess desk.

Rhett hoped his waitress love interest wasn't watching the shenanigans. 

Bonus: Rhett shared that the breadsticks weren't his favorite after all on the drive home. 

L to the O to the ironic L. 

introducing Ben the puppy

Because three little boys just wasn't enough fun.

Exclamation points !!!!!

That little ball of white fluff is the newest little boy to our crew. Ben is a bichon frise, is 12 weeks new and joined our family on Christmas morning.

Their boundless excitement lasted for 72 boy hours, 100 dog hours and 238 mom hours. Ha.

I feel like I should say "SURPRISE!" because getting a puppy certainly doesn't seem like a rational short of decision when you have three little boys. And it's not. Totally not rational. But just look at that face!! HE'S SO FLUFFY WE COULD DIE! (Name that movie)

All fluffy puppy love emotions aside, Jake and I have been thinking about getting a dog since we first got married. Fact: the amount of research we did before getting Ben was 1000X more research than we did before we started having kids. Our logic....we're thinking that we'll get all the potty training, put random stuff in your mouth, eat of the ground, phases done at the same time. In reality on Christmas morning we (I) thought we lost our minds.

But really, Ben's has been such a blessing for our family. His breed is the best for our us and the boys. He's crazy energetic when the turkeys play with him and he's just as happy to chill and follow me around. #perfectchild

A few highlights from the past two weeks:

When I overheard Rhett asking Ben "who's your daddy?"

Rad taking EXTREME interest in Ben's potty training. He sits in the middle of the backyard monitoring Ben's movements and then gives a fully detailed report. He also loves putting on the plastic gloves and picking up the fun stuff. That's a plus. The downside is that Rad now want's to mimic Ben's potty routine. I'll let that one just sink in...

Our thought process with getting a puppy included the notion that if we had a puppy our boys might stop playing puppy (including barking when the door bell rang) all the time. Not the case.

Rhett taking Ben's exercise very seriously.

Beck gets the uncontrollable giggles when Ben wrestles with his toys. Beck gets the uncontrollable giggles when Ben sniffs him or kisses him. Beck does not get the uncontrollable giggles when Ben tries to use Beck as a pillow or when Ben plows him over when Ben's loving life.

Rad thinks Ben's water dish is a pool for his Power Rangers. Or his own personal watering hole. Thrice. Hopefully that's over.

Ben...welcome to the tribe/herd/crew/family. :)

Fleas on a dog

^^^^post title courtesy of Rhett's translation of  of the Christmas classic Feliz Navidad.

I know he's my kid, but man...he cracks me up sometimes.

Twas 2 days before Christmas...and who hasn't done any Christmas shopping yet? Me neither, but I still believe in Santa so I'm counting on him to take care of everything.

Just kidding!! There's a few last minute details to complete. Nothing like a trip(s)(s) to Target can't solve. It's ironic when the Target cashier says "Merry Christmas" like she's not going to see me 50 more times between now and then.

Anyway, thanks to Amazon Prime and a little (OK big) surprise up our elf sleeves we are almost ready. Just have to wrap. I feel like my Christmas IQ spiked a little this year because instead of recycling our Amazon boxes as they come I'm saving them to make wrapping a little easier. Kid's toys are the WORST to wrap with all the lumps and corners.

We've hit the part of the holidays where the amount of gifts we've threatened to take away is more than the amount actually under the tree. (Insert the holiday joke of whomever wrote Silent Night obviously didn't have children...har har har) Jake and I made a vague, pre kid having, illusionary promise that we wouldn't use this threat with our at the time future kids with calling Santa, but we have, we did, we will.

A few pictures of holiday festivities. In all their grainy glory.

Our library had Mrs. Claus come. She was both hilarious and charming. She called the boys and their friend Everett up to help with a magic trick. When I had to clarify Rad's name to the group she quipped "Oh. You're one of those Moms."

Touche Mrs. Claus. Touche.

A little selfie before our Secret Santa run. Rhett....was perturbed....every group of elves has a party pooper.

In a classy Christmas move I found a fake tree on the curb for free and put it in the boys room. It was cleaned with vacuums and baby wipes. Christmas magic is especially real for Rad this year and I love it.

Ominous Christmas cookies a la Rad.

We put the boys letters to Santa in the tree and the elves come and collect them at night. Oddly, it's one of my favorite traditions. Rhett's letter was very "Rhett." He dictated:

Dear Santa,

I would like a Batman castle and Ninja turtle house. I try to be good so I want a pretend pet tortoise but please make sure it is fake. Thank you.

Love, Rhett

Rad was not inclined to be in this picture.

Since we failed with a family Christmas card this year let's count this hasty post as one. More Christmas cheer to spread and enjoy.

One last thought for posterity and Christmases future.

Rhett: Ok you be the baby Jesus and I'm the Little Drummer Boy...now let's BATTLE.
Rad: CHARGE!!!

My kids. Deeply feeling the true meaning of the season.

Merry Christmas one and all!

Rhett and Rad chat

Puh-arking it real good at the park:

Rhett: I made new friend.
Julia: Yeah?
Rhett: He's over there.
Rhett: He thinks you're my grandma.
Julia:
Rhett: Probably because you have the short hair.

Unloading the groceries from the van:

Julia: Rhett can you come help me?
Rhett: Yep. (comes over to the trunk)
Rhett: So you need some muscle little lady?
Julia:
Rhett (flexes) 

Burning question from my 5 year old:

Rhett: Is Taylor Swift a real person?
Rhett: Or does she just live in the radio?

A fine Saturday evening at home:

Rhett: (comes out of the playroom sans pant)
Julia: Why don't you ever wear pants?
Rhett: They slow down my karate kicks.

Doing homework (Rhett) and coloring (Rad):

Rhett: Whoa Raddie!
Rhett: Your nose just made a bubble!! (snot bubble)
Rhett: Tell your nose good job.
Rad: Dood job nose.

A Sunday afternoon: 

Rhett: Dad... Dad...DAD!!
Jake: Wha? WHAT??
Rhett: You look really tired.
Jake: That's because I was asleep.
Rhett. Oh yeah. You're funny.

Overheard:

Rhett: Hey Beck. (super deep sigh)
Beck:
Rhett: Sometimes. Sometimes...I'm just too tired to deal with this family.
Beck:
Rhett: You know what I mean?

And from Rad, our budding linguist:

Julia: Rad it's time for nap!! (best time of the day)
Rad: No.
Julia:
Rad: So so sorry mom.

When learning new words meets inappropriate terms:

Rad: Wook! Shi****! (fishies)
Rad: Shi**** momma!!!

currently, conversations and confessions

 Heyyyyyyyyyy.

The holidaze are upon us and even though there is no snow on the palmy palms, We thought a blow up snowman for our front yard seemed like it would look natural on our front yawn. Yeeees. A legit blow up lawn decor item. Who'd have thought. Certainly not Jake, he wanted the blow up Minions on Santa's Train monstrosity but I'm not there yet, errr yeah ever.

At the end of last year I did a smorgasbord post of things that had slipped through the blogging cracks. Before the New Year is upon us type I wanted to dump a few such items here.  When our hard drive crashed we lost a decent amount that we now only have thanks to this here blog, so while nothing here might be epically interwebs worthy I'm clacking it out. Spirit fingers.

^^^Rad's under that bucket. (Self imposed bucket...not mother imposed) He was raised by a good time.

Here's a nice life event to start.

Deep introspective wisdom: Everyone is in charge of their own life until they have to potty train a child like Rad.

Rad (when naked) is fully potty trained. Which is super fantastic when being in your birthday suit is socially acceptable. It's less fantastic when any sort of undergarment leads to this...

Julia: Rad. Did you poop your pants?
Rad: NO.
Julia: You smell like you did.
Rad: NOPE.
Julia: Well then how did the poop get in your pants?
Rad: (lights up) Poop jump in dhere Mom!
Rad: Demonstrates with bounding jumps.
Julia:

And now that he does use the potty semi regularly Rhett finds it to be another way to show off his big brother dominance, because err-thing is a competition.

Rhett: Rad, my poop is bigger than that so I'm in charge.

I know it will happen before he goes to college. Because let's be honest, basic potty training is actually the easy part. Teaching your kids to not use an entire roll of toilet paper to wipe their butt is the hard part. #truedat

One more about Rad.

This is Breckie. She's adore-a-freaking-ble. And Rad loves her. LOVES her.

Cue the cute puppy love emojis. "Wheres" Breckie?" is the first burning question Rad has most mornings and any outing is interrupted with the same question until either we A. see Breckie the Beloved or B. He rephrases the question to spice it up "Why no see Breckie?" "Breckie where are you?"

Beck's spirit animal...cat. He tries to maul/attack my face at all times. But when I start to get frustrated with the slobber fest, he purrs and nuzzles me and it's so effective! I feel like I'm in an abusive relationship with a cat.

Also note worthy! >>>>> New unassisted sitting record: 2 proud minutes and 43 seconds and suddenly turkey-lurkey's got a new lease on life.

The moment you realize your offsprings talents might not be the kind that get you on America's Got Talent. #tigermom

Also...our new parenting philosophy with Rhett: Let him sleep, for when he wakes, he will eat all the food. Must be a growth spurt. One that our budget anticipates will last till he's 18.

He came home from school the other week asking for a wallet. When I asked why he told me it was to go with the bling ring he had gotten from the classroom kindergarten. A wallet/ring combo would mean that Rhett and his girlfriend N could tie the knot.

Some of Rhett's thoughts on marriage and love:

Rhett: Sometimes girls like me.
Julia: That's true. Because you're nice to them and polite and funny.
Rhett: AND because I play the game.
Julia: What game? (worry worry worry)
Rhett: The game where I let them hug me.
Julia: (worry worry worry)

Rhett: When I have my wallet then we can get married.
Julia:
Rhett: But I'm not sure what we do after that.

Rhett: Can I always live with you and dad even when I get married?
Julia: Well don't you want your own house?
Rhett: No. We can just live with you.

Last week we had a bond fire in our fire pit to burn our TV console, one of our very first DIY porjects ever and it was literally falling apart. It was a purging cleanse watching it turn to ashes.

Post fire, as we were cleaning up someone left the porch door open and this little bird joined the family. 

It went nothing like this

 or this.

Shocking I know.

Rad was FREAKING out in terror, but was still intensely drawn to the drama. He would run back and forth down the upstairs hall until he essentially sedated himself by putting a blanket over his head and peeped out every few minutes.

Rhett was both manically laughing at every move the bird made and kept announcing in a baby voice that it was the "cutest bird he had ever seen". He also kept trying to tell us that of all the adults present (2) that he was the real animal expert and that if we would just let him try and catch the bird, it would be a "piece of cake". Yeah.

Our feathered friend was caught by Jake and released hopefully no worse for wear. I can imagine him flying back to his family with tales of his experience. I'm sure he painted us to be much like Honey Boo Boo's family because that's pretty much how our behavior ranked during this incident.

My little sister is super pregnant at this point with her first baby (A BOY!!) and so my mom and I headed her way for her baby shower a few weeks ago.

Jane is a hair curling guru. It's her calling in life. I'm standing strong for all those who haven't found their place in the curl world. Stick straight locks 4life.

Basically it was a magical weekend of sleep and magical food consuption and me wishing I had chased my goal of going to Law School. (Or being a plastic surgeon. I like to imagine had I gone the plastic surgery route I might have gotten a reality show with great parallels to the Mindy Project. I would be very Mindy-esq obvs.)

My brother in law is in Law School (Hi Andrew!) and so I got to pretend I was a student and walk the grounds.

My Elle Woods moment. I'm even using legal jargon in my everyday life now.

Julia: Rad did poop 3 times this morning?
Rad: Sure.
Julia: I object!

Rhett: Can I get a new toy today?
Julia: The juries out on that one.

Beck: Screech!
Julia: Order! Order! I said order!

Nightly traditions. The reading of books, not the Fritos Rhett is eating. We haven't quite fallen into Fritos for Dinners as being a full fledge tradition.

^^^Beckett is to Jake, as Jake is to Beckett.

Jake told me the other day if I was one of the seven dwarfs I would be Snarky.

I told him he would be Chubby.

He said. "Yep. Definitely Snarky."

Touche.

Aaaand that's all she wrote.